{"id":1238,"date":"2023-02-06T16:47:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-06T16:47:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2023-09-05T23:03:33","modified_gmt":"2023-09-05T15:03:33","slug":"what-are-the-3-main-attachment-styles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/magazine.circledna.com\/what-are-the-3-main-attachment-styles\/","title":{"rendered":"What Are The 3 Main Attachment Styles?"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you don\u2019t know your attachment style, you stand to benefit a great deal once you uncover it. Your attachment style can explain why you behave the way you do in relationships, what you will or won\u2019t perceive as a threat in the world, how you handle conflict, and much more. <\/p>\n

The attachment theory is one of the most accurate psychological theories and relationship sciences out there. Today\u2019s top psychologists and therapists reference it in therapy all the time.<\/p>\n

The attachment theory can explain a lot about human behavior, interactions, and relationships. It was first developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1950s. Many of today\u2019s top relationship advice books have been based on their theories of attachment styles.<\/p>\n

The secure attachment style is undeniably the healthiest attachment style. Anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment styles, on the other hand, are all considered to be \u2018insecure\u2019 attachment styles. If your parents or your caregiver was unreliable, neglectful, avoidant or abusive, you might have developed one of these insecure attachment styles.<\/p>\n

Your early childhood experiences do shape your attachment style, but your attachment style is also partially genetic.<\/p>\n

One of the adult dynamics most impacted by attachment style is the adult romantic relationship<\/a> dynamic, but attachment styles can impact other relationships and scenarios as well.<\/p>\n

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What Are the Different Attachment Styles?<\/h3>\n

When psychologists say that your childhood has lasting impacts and shapes who you become as an adult, this is not psychobabble. There\u2019s a lot of truth behind it, and the attachment theory is one of the relationship sciences that proves this.<\/p>\n

A person\u2019s attachment style is largely shaped by their early childhood experiences. It\u2019s based on how their caregivers such as their mother and father cared for them, or in some cases, neglected or abandoned them.<\/p>\n

In addition to early childhood experiences, general life experiences (including trauma that occurs when you\u2019re an adult) can also impact your attachment style.<\/p>\n

The four attachment styles are:<\/p>\n

1. Anxious attachment style<\/p>\n

2. Avoidant attachment style<\/p>\n

3. Fearful-avoidant attachment style<\/p>\n

4. Secure attachment style<\/p>\n

The three main attachment styles<\/strong>, however, are simply \u2018anxious\u2019, \u2018avoidant\u2019, and \u2018secure\u2019<\/strong>. This is because only about 5% of the global population is a \u2018fearful-avoidant\u2019, which is the rarest attachment style and sometimes referred to as the \u2018disorganized\u2019 attachment style. Most people fall under one of the three main attachment styles. Therefore, most of the literature out there is on the three main attachment styles. <\/p>\n

These attachment styles impact us as adults, and one of the adult experiences impacted the most by attachment styles is adult relationships.<\/p>\n

For one thing, some people can\u2019t keep a relationship if they\u2019re too anxious (which can manifest as \u2018clingy\u2019 behavior) or too avoidant (neglecting the relationship and the other person\u2019s needs.)<\/p>\n

Furthermore, if a person constantly experiences conflict with their partner, this conflict could be due to clashing or opposing attachment styles with their partner<\/a>. For example, if you have an anxious attachment style, you might struggle to make it work with someone who has an avoidant attachment style, and vice versa. <\/p>\n

This is why it\u2019s so important to not only find out your attachment style, but to also find out your partner\u2019s attachment style.<\/p>\n

The secure attachment style is the healthiest and most desirable attachment style to have. Anxious and avoidant attachment styles tend to cause a lot of problems for people, especially relationship problems, and this is backed by research<\/a>. This can make people with these attachment styles wish they had a secure attachment style. <\/p>\n

You can learn or \u2018earn\u2019 a secure attachment style over time, and this is referred to as an \u2018earned secure attachment style\u2019. <\/p>\n

Let\u2019s go over each of the different attachment styles so that you can figure out which one sounds the most like you. We\u2019ll be referencing one of the most renowned books on attachment theory out there. The book is entitled Attached<\/em>, and it was written by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.<\/p>\n

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1. Anxious Attachment Style<\/h3>\n

The name of this attachment style says it all. Those who have an anxious attachment style typically know that this is their attachment style. Those who are chronically anxious tend to know this about themselves.<\/p>\n

However, with the help of Levine and Heller\u2019s book Attached<\/em>, which bases its questionnaire on the updated Experience in Close Relationships (ECR) questionnaire from Kelly Brennan, Catherine Clark, and Phillip Shaver, you can decipher your attachment style. The updated questionnaire was developed by Chris Fraley, Niels Waller, and Kelly Brennan, and it is called the ECR-R questionnaire. Levine and Heller modified it for adult relationships.<\/p>\n

Below are some signs that you might have an anxious attachment style:<\/p>\n